Crabs and Pigeons and Bullshit, Oh My!

It's been a little dry in my blogging well nowadays, so I pulled out an old story from my days as a Pharmacy Technician in good old Hoboken, New Jersey.
I hope you enjoy.

A fun staff and environment is key because of all of the insane characters you meet, and the lengths they go to get their medicine.
One, in particular, will always stand out in my mind for the rest of my life.

It was a typical Autumn day... The kind that puts you automatically into the "Back To School" mode. It was around 5 or 6pm and we had a rush of patients coming in for their "back to allergies" medication... I was heavily involved making a topical solution for a patient when I heard "Excuse me, Miss?"
I looked up, and coming toward me was JFK Jr. No, wait... I think this guy is even better looking... And he's smiling at me. Instantly, a light glowed from behind him and angels sang. I smiled ("Thank God I put on my good labcoat" I thought, and smiled back.
"I hope I'm not interrupting," said this handsome man "but I was hoping I could speak to you... In private?"

Oh shit. I thought I hit the jackpot. Gorgeous man in a suit, smiling at me... Sweet, too! Of course, I smoothed my hands down over my hair and walked over to the side consulting board.
"Hi, I'm Jack," he said with a smile that could melt a Dictator's heart. "I live on the other side of town, but it was such a nice day that I figured I'd walk home, and thought I'd stop in to do some shopping."

(my knees buckled)
"Well, anyway, I was hoping you could help me... I'm looking for a product."
I smiled nervously. Of course I would help this hunk of man!

" See, I live in a penthouse, all by myself, and I... Well, I tend to sleep with my windows open, and I u, well, I sleep in the nude..."

(I almost passed out.)

"So, last night was breezy, and of course, I slept, NUDE, with the window open. Well, here's where it gets weird. I woke up this morning, and a PIGEON was sitting on the window ledge... And I woke up with CRABS."

(WHOA... FANTASY OVER...BACK TO REALITY. YOU HAD WHAT???)

I guess he saw the look on my face. He actually repeated "I think the pigeon gave me crabs." then flashed me a dazzling smile.

Before I knew it, before I could stop it, the following comment flew out of my mouth. Picture Megan Mullaly from Will and Grace, before there WAS a Will & Grace)
"Haha, haha! Oh honey, I don't think that's the only thing that flew in your window last night!"

Oh shit!

As soon as it came out of my mouth, I slapped both hands to my face to cover another Tourette's outbreak. He looked at me, and the Human Petri Dish gave me the coldest harshest look I've ever seen in my life. He turned, like a stone...Away from me, spewing hatred in my direction with every step.

I stood, in stunned silence, not quite comprehending what happened. I then began to laugh, out loud, until I began to cry, pointing toward the door where the crab infestation exited.


I blessed that day, in which I learned several life lessons.

1- I had the edge over the average girl. I could look into each Patient's history, and if they ever went to the Pharmacy chain I worked at, I would be able to health screen, which always came in handy.

2- Don't be impressed by hot men in penthouses.

3- If a man's crotch is jumping, it does NOT always mean he is happy to see me. It might just be the 3-ring circus on his crotch.

And the Number 1 important thing is...

"I REALLY need to look into curbing the things that come out of my mouth."

I'm still working on that one.