Ask Rosie Part 1

This is the first installment of Ask Rosie, where several of you have posed questions for me to answer.
Here we go:

The first two come from Debbie:
1- What is your greatest achievement so far?
2- And do you think Marilyn committed suicide or was murdered?

1- This is probably one of the hardest to answer because I guess I've grown up in the "Pass the Credit/Take the Blame" mindset where I rarely take credit for anything.
I've been thinking about this for a while, and though I would like to give a broader answer, being "everything that brought me up to this point" I'm going to go with waking up after my surgery.
I remember random things about that incredibly strange day, but the one thing I do remember, after my surgery is saying to my Mom "I'm Going to be Fine."

I know that sounds a little odd, but it's not just about weight loss, it's about completing a stage in my life I never thought I would get to, and something I never thought I was worthy of.
I associated myself, for most of my life, with mediocrity, and believed that because of the way I looked , that at best, it was what I should have.
It wasn't just about how other people looked at me. I have had some people tell me that I was the most amazing, most wonderful and beautiful person they had ever met, and this was way before I ever put down the Twinkies. I never believed it, and that's where the deepest fault was.
I always wanted to have a great career, a College Education, to be in love and married, successful, and last, but not least, thin. You know...To look like a normal, pretty girl, and to be treated like one, too.

I knew who I could be, but never knew what I could uncover once I changed my life. This surgery, to me, was much more than that. It was an award for everything I vowed to change about myself. To be free... To give myself everything I've ever dreamed of.
There was a string of events that went on when I decided to embark on weight loss. I went up for a promotion, and became serious about my career. I moved out on my own, bought myself a new car, learned to live as an adult, and began to realize that I had to end the most abusive relationship I had ever had.. .And that's the one I had with myself. Every day, I deprived myself of what I wanted so desperately, and "overfed" myself with any negativity that would guarantee my not thinking I was worthy of greatness. Does that make sense?
From that moment on, I worked SO HARD to get to every goal, but the closer I got, the more scared I became. I was leaving my security blanket behind, and my training wheels. That was some scary shit.
Almost three long years later, I was over 150 pounds thinner... And on stage again, as a Leading Lady, instead of "Fat, Funny Friend." I was closer to getting my career, and living with the love of my life... Who, coincidentally, convinced me that I was ready for this. As a matter of fact, I fully believe that without him, my life wouldn't mean 1/4 of what it is now (and if I haven't said thank you for that, then... THANK YOU.)

I found a Doctor I trusted, and to my complete surprise, found out I was the perfect candidate for the surgery.
When I was getting ready for the big day, I still didn't believe that I was going to go through with it. I didn't think I'd get the money, or I would lose the nerve, not be able to get off of work (silly things, I know), or be able to quit smoking, but I did. I came down with a cold about a week before and thought I would get rejected. I thought my tests would show that I had breast cancer, or that I would have one of the many viruses that prevent you from being cleared. No viruses, no illnesses... Nothing. I had two deaths right before my surgery... One of them being my Great-Aunt, and one of them being my Grandfather, whom I was so incredibly close to, I still can't deal with the reality that he's gone. ) That almost did me in.

When I left for the Hospital that morning, I kissed Annoyed good-bye and told him I'd probably see him later that day. I was sure of it.
When I met with the Anesthesiologist that morning, he gave me final clearance & told he would see me in the O.R. in about 10 minutes. I looked at my mom, who jumped up and smiled, and I began to shake and cry uncontrollably. I was going to kiss my old self goodbye... Everything that I hated about myself, I associated with that old body I was still dragging around...Imagine being a fuck up for most of your life, and cleaning yourself up and making yourself a better person. Now imagine having to lug around a clear bag, containing all of your fuckups, every day, for the world to see its contents. That's what my old body was to me, and by the end of the day, it would be gone, forever.
It is something I have wished for almost all of my life, but when I was about to go through with it, I suddenly wasn't sure I was ready to kiss "me" goodbye. Suddenly, there would be nothing for me to hold onto and before the day was through, I would have nothing to hide behind. Was I good enough to stand in front of the world? I dried my tears, but couldn't stop the shaking as I was wheeled into the O.R. I was switched from one bed to the other, wiped head to toe with Betadine, naked and shaking like a leaf. I bit my tongue and lips countless times because I couldn't control the violent shaking. I tried to speak but couldn't form a single word. I actually had to hold my chin to ask the Doctor to promise me that I would wake up from the surgery. I thought that the irony of it all would be me dying under the knife. My Anesthesiologist made a joke about how he was going to ask me out on a date as soon as I came through. I began to tell him that he was shit outta luck, but before I knew it, I saw the brightest colors ever, and heard two things that I'll never forget, two phrases that signified I made it through:
"Surgical Bra"
"Abdominal Binder"

How the hell did that happen?
I later found out that I lost 9 hours and 56 minutes of my life... That's almost 10 hours of rebirth, of allowing me to live the rest of my life the way I wanted. 10 hours was an incredibly small price to pay for me to have my life back.

I remember bits and pieces, but then feeling the motion of the bed as I was wheeled into what was to be my room for the next 5 days. I opened my eyes, and saw my Father, then my Mother. She took my swollen hand into hers, and stroked my face with her other hand. She put my glasses on my face and asked me how I was doing.
I thought for a minute, and realized that I got my wish. Here I was, at my finish line. I mustered up the words "I'm going to be Fine"
and I meant it.

So far, my greatest achievement. I'm working on outdoing myself, though :)


And for the second question:
2- And do you think Marilyn committed suicide or was murdered?
"I think that when you are famous every weakness is exaggerated" - Marilyn Monroe

I'm going to start by recommending a documentary called "Say Goodbye to the President" made by a British film documentary, that confirms everything I've ever believed. You can find it on Amazon.com.
She was murdered, without a doubt in my mind.
IN NO WAY AM I AN EXPERT! I am not privy to information that no one else has access to. This has all been formulated through my own years of research on my Marilyn. I have looked at autopsy reports, seen documentaries, read partial government files... Books... Nothing points to overdose... Wait, I should correct myself. Nothing points to Self-Induced Overdose. Most reports even only weakly point to accidental overdose.

First(boy now you've got me going), you've got to look at the players, which were:
Marilyn, Joe DiMaggio, JFK, RFK, Peter Lawford, Eunice Murray(her maid) Dr Greenson ( her Therapist), Deborah Gould (Pat's then-wife), Frank Sinatra, Jeannie Carmen (her fiend)

According to several reports:
Monroe's last home was in Brentwood, California, at 12305 5th Helena Drive. She was found dead by her housekeeper on August 5, 1962. Her death was ruled as an overdose of the sleeping pill Nembutal. Several conspiracy theories have surfaced in the decades after her death, some involving President John F. Kennedy and/or Robert Kennedy. There is also speculation that her death was accidental, but the official cause of death was "probable suicide" by acute barbiturate poisoning.


Marilyn recently became estranged from both Kennedy brothers, whom she had been romantically involved with. Marilyn, never one to shy away from politics (she supported and stood by 3rd husband Arthur Miller during his blacklisting and possible Communist links) loved to be around political figures. Her Idol was Abraham Lincoln. Whatever questions she had, she always wrote down, and whatever conversations she had regarding Politics, she recorded into a series of journals. Being so close to the Kennedys, you could imagine the "wealth of information" she was privy to. Everyone thought she was a dumb blonde who had little to no retention. This couldn't have been farther from the truth.

This was a time in her life where she was kicking her drug habit. She was going to Therapy every day without fail, and was working with her Psychiatrist, Dr Greenson, 24/7. She had trouble sleeping, and always kept a bottle (or two) of Nembutal on her. We all know about her numerous suicide attempts and her numerous accidental overdoses. This, however, was not one of them.

She had the fantasy of romancing JFK, and he sensed that she was becoming too attached, so he sent his brother to do his dirty work. RFK took that literally, and then discarded Marilyn as well. She was relentless, and tired of being used and abused. She tried to reach out to them, to no avail. It has also been rumored that Frank Sinatra, friend of the Kennedys, invited her up to his Cal-Neva ranch to help her get away for a little while. When she arrived, she was drugged, abused, and her life was threatened. No one wanted her to "speak" about what she knew, or whom she had been with.

She took this seriously, and tried to go back to normal life, and sought this normalcy in the arms of Joe DiMaggio (no that her relationship with him was normal- he was in fact, abusive and controlling, but they loved each other fully) She fought hard to clean up. They were secretly planning to remarry, and she was taking trips back and forth to Mexico to but new tiles for their "nest."She had ordered her Wedding Dress secretly, and it was close to completion.

Something happened... She began to boil over about how she had been discarded. She scheduled a Press conference for that next Monday, to reveal all that she knew about the corrupt President and his even more corrupt brother and friends. She felt strong, level-headed, and ready to move on with her life.

The night of her death is foggy. It is said that she died of an accidental overdose, and that she died naked and in her bed. Not true.
The standard theory is that she took an overdose of Nembutal, dragged her phone into the room with her and made several "goodbye phonecalls" all of which were disregarded. Her Maid, Eunice Murray, found her and somehow called her Therapist. She was found naked and dead in her room, alone.
Here are the facts:
1- She died with an overdose of Nembutals in her system. In fact more than 45 pills were found in her system. They were stuffed down her throat, dry and lodged together. They never dissolved. Her stomach and digestive system were empty. She didn't die from lack of oxygen, and had no track marks to prove that she had administered the drugs intravenously. Further studies show another entry, which were most likely, a Nembutal enema.
2- Jeannie Carmen cries about the night that Marilyn died. Marilyn begged Jeannie to come over, and Jeannie was tired. Marilyn said she had received threatening phonecalls from the Kennedy clan, and she didn't want to be alone. Jeannie ignored them and went to sleep. Marilyn was not suicidal. She was scared.
3- Deborah Gould, Peter Lawford's ex wife, recalls a drunken phonecall from Peter regarding that night. Peter and RFK were to have been at the Kennedy Compound on the East coast the night that Marilyn died. Why were they seen, landing in a Helicopter at a nearby port, with a third man carrying a Doctor's bag, and why were they seen entering Marilyn's home in CA?
Why did Deborah get a phonecall from a drunken Peter Lawford crying saying "we killed her" over and over again?

4- Further records indicate that Marilyn did not die naked in her room. She died in a hospital. She was taken, pronounced dead, and brought back to her home, stripped naked, and positioned with Nembutals stuffed (stupidly) down her throat. Her stomach was also empty, which is inconceivable, after taking 45 pills.

Eunice Murray, her maid, still has conflicting stories. First, she was in the house and couldn't get to the phone. How could she have called the cops? Then, she arrived early and couldn't get into the house, so she broke the window of Marilyn's room to get in. Why does the report show that the glass was broken from the INSIDE? Even better still...You may even be able to call up the footage of an 80 year old Eunice crying, asking why she still has to cover up what really happened? She's the only one still alive... Why keep the lies going? I'm looking into finding the exact location of that footage.

Paperwork was cleaned up by Eunice Murray and Dr Greenson the early morning Marilyn was found dead. Journals, maybe? What is noted is that there was approximately a 4 hour lapse from the time she was "found" and the time that the Doctors were called. No one can be sure, almost everything was burned.
There are so many conspiracies regarding Miss Monroe's death. I wasn't there, I don't know what happened. What I do know is that so many Police Officers, Detectives, Doctors, Ex-Spouses, Maids and Greenson family members (Greenson Family were the only ones who were not present at the scene of the crime, all others were documented as being present and being forced to "Cooperate") keep insisting that this girl was murdered.

Here is something that I was able to find that had credible witnesses. Please excuse the fact that it was found on Youtube. Not to bias your opinion, but please note how Eunice Murray keeps glancing up and to the right. That is a sign that you are not remembering, but calling upon a lie, or making something up.
Notice how Police Chief Jack Clemmons is staring straight into the camera, and his motions are completely at ease. He is telling the truth. He is remembering facts, and speaking candidly and honestly:
here is Part 1:


And Part 2:

We may never know. I got another book for Christmas, an investigation of the Death of Marilyn Monroe, where all information found available is matched up against every theory involving her death. I'll let you know what I think of that (book report, anyone?)
Now that I'm done, I probably sound like a complete Conspiracy Theory Whackadoo.
Oh well. It's what I believe, and I know I'm not the only one.

Thanks Deb, for such awesome questions! Now I have to start pouring over my new book!

That's it for Ask Rosie Part 1. I have several more questions to answer, and happily working on those... more soon.

Till then,
xoxoxo
Rosie