Rosie, on the Couch

I have been having such a hard time writing lately.
I don't know if I'm overly stressed, or if I'm tired, or pre-occupied with day-to-day life, but I can't seem to find my "voice" (if I ever had one to begin with) so I figured I would update with what's been going on, both good and bad.


Let's see: I was recently passed up for a promotion at work. I understand the reasoning behind why I didn't get it, but it still stung once it hit me.
I'm OK now. I fall down, dust myself off, and get back up.
UPDATE: I just got put in as the point person for a huge project. Excuse me for NOT jumping up and down.

I am working on two One-Woman Shows. One is personal, written 1/2 in book form and 1/2 in monologue. The other is another project that I've had in my head for quite some time. It's time that she's born.

Curious...Has anyone had any experience doing this? This is the first time I've written for theatre, I don't count the thousands of re-writes I've done for the Sinatra show, it wasn't my idea, and I didn't really have creative control of it. Why two at one time, you ask? It's because I can't seem to separate myself from one or the other. It's like I start to work on one, and the other one gets jealous. I also never do anything the easy way. This is my "Sophie's Choice".


In conjunction with me taking on two projects at once (and almost guaranteeing my personal creative demise)
Here is a list of things I seem to take the hard road on:

Driving
My passion (and future career)
My headshots (because I never believe that I'm camera-ready)
Writing
Myself, in general
Lately, THE GYM
Telling people I care about to fuck off when they're wrong
Self-praise
Saving my "millions"

I'm sure anyone else who knows me well can add to this list. On Christmas Eve, as I was driving home (of course, finding the most winding, indirect way), Annoyed played Dixie Chicks "Taking the Long Way" for me and began to sing along. I broke out laughing. Thank you, Natalie Maines. I now have a theme song.

You might argue that I'm lazy, but I'm not. That's not the case at all. I just seem to get caught up in "priorities." Unfortunately, none of these put me on the front burner. I have made a conscious decision to change this.


I've been so tired lately. I've been working doubles, and trying to square things away creatively at the same time. My problem is, I've been stressing myself out royally, and that's a recipe for disaster. When I get stressed to this point, I can't rest. Even in my sleep, I have non-stop violent nightmares, followed my dreams where I am walking in a house, discovering secret rooms. It's always in this order.

My nightmares are horribly realistic, and viciously violent.
In real life, I am a very emotional person, and can't stand to watch or hear about torture or suffering of any kind. In my dreams, I witness scenarios that make The Passion look like a cartoon. I have dreams that I witness or commit murders, and go through them from start to finish. In these dreams, I am as calm as a cucumber, completely unaffected and unemotional. I am also unable to wake myself up from these dreams. I have also had dreams of scenarios so embarrassing and out of left field, I won't ever write them down.

The second part, or the "secret room" dreams that always follow, are one of 5 scenarios:

1- I find a room in the back of a house: the room is so dirty & disgustingly filthy I want to wake up and jump in a boiling hot shower. I actually feel like I take the filth of that room with me into real life.

2- I find a room in my childhood home, hidden in my old walk-in closet. The passageway to the hidden room is in the front left-hand corner of my closet. The passageways are dark, paper-thin and LOOONNNGGG. There are rooms one after another... All long and thin. Sometimes the rooms are nicely decorated; sometimes they are filled with trespass filled with old clothes, pots, pans, furniture, and pillows... Like things you would store in a basement.

3- I find a room in a home I've never been in before. The home is decadent. I want to move in, or someone I know and like lives there already. I've been invited to look around. I walk into each room and it's warm and inviting. I want to see more. I go into the attic and revel in the gorgeous antiques and treasures. I look up to the roof and discover YET ANOTHER part of the attic... A floating loft-like level with an invisible or glass floor. I can see through the floor/ceiling and I can see the most pristine, perfect items ever created. I try to climb the stairs, and I'm either too heavy and the stairs break underneath me, or a force keeps knocking me down. It's an ominous feeling and it scares the shit out of me every time. I usually run from the house thinking it's haunted.

4- and the most recent (I had this one for the first time two or three nights ago, but not since): I discover two rooms hidden in the front right part of our present home. My landlord forgot to tell me about them, and my Future mother In Law discovers them. I walk in and there are two HUGE rooms that are attached to each other. The first one is a simple, large, almost circular empty sitting room with a huge bathroom with a huge Jacuzzi with a waterfall... It's decorated very sensually. The second room is a huge square-ish room with curved walls. The floors are hardwood and perfectly polished. There are floor to ceiling windows. Outside of the room is a perfect view of the boardwalk and water. I immediately transfer all of my fiancé’s office furniture into this room, and make sure his desk has the best view possible. I then begin to re-arrange all of our other rooms, and move my dressing room to the back of the house, where his office is currently. I wake up feeling like this dream is so real. I'm sad when I discover that it's not.

5- I seem to envision this "bathroom" and Jacuzzi in a lot of places. I'm either on vacation to a place that I visit always in my dreams, but never in real life. It is always dark, lit with candles, has tons of waterfalls, and has such a sensual feeling. I'm so confused because the bathroom also has several "rooms" or alcoves that open one into the other. Each one feels sexier than the other.

What does this all mean? Some may say that I'm crazy, but I think it means I've got to lay off a little bit and start making myself happy instead of stressing myself out and internalizing everything. Either that, or just not go to sleep for a while.


In Other and Better Rosie News...
I visited the famously renowned Kleinfelds in New York City on Monday for a Wedding gown sample sale. (Most designer dresses are 85-90% off). They hold this event once or twice a year. I know a girl who bought a $10,000.00 dress last year for $1,100.00, including her veil. I also know women who have gone in and bought Vera Wangs for a mere few hundred dollars. I've also known women who have run out of the salon showroom, crying. It’s basically hit or miss there.
Regardless, every woman in the New York City area is pressed, as soon as the ring goes on her finger, to have the "Kleinfelds" experience. You walk in to this HUGE showroom, are given a powder-pink silk robe and are shuffled from designer rack to designer rack by one of many Yentas, dressed head-to-toe in black. You are doted on, put on a pedestal (literally and figuratively) and made to feel like a Jewish Princess... even if you're not.

Anyway, I just happened to be off the morning of the Sample Sale. I put in my reservation early and got there on time. I expected to try on a dress or two, and best case scenario, walk out with a sample sale dress.
That didn't happen. Instead, I walked out with an Anne Barge Custom Designer Original. How this happened, I'll never ever know.
Men, beware. This is girly wedding stuff!!!

I signed in and sat among a sea of hopeful Brides-to-Be. As each girl tried to peer into the Legendary Bridal Showroom, prisms projected on almost every inch of the ceiling or wall from the 30 or so Diamond rings on each ring finger. Each girl silently sized up the girl next to her, wondering if she would be a roadblock in finding her dream dress in her size.

Suddenly, my name was called, and I was ushered past the room of hopefuls. Some shot me dirty looks, but all eyes followed me until l I disappeared from their sight. I was brought into a back room, and was "interviewed" what my ideal Wedding Gown would be. I was shown dress after dress, and hated them all. I was beginning to feel completely discouraged.

I guess my Sales Rep saw the look on my face, because she touched my hand and asked me if I had ever heard of Wedding Gown Designer Anne Barge. (Of course, I have! She's a gorgeous Georgia Peach who has created some of the more beautiful gowns I've seen.)

Incredibly, she happened to be in the store, premiering her Fall 2007 line, still not featured in magazines or to the general public. We were introduced, and I was given the opportunity to try on her new gowns. This was my grown-up playground.
After several dresses, I was asked my opinion. I happened to have fallen in love with the top of one dress, but hated the bottom. Anne came back into my room and started asking questions about what I envisioned as the perfect bottom for the dress. She left the room and minutes later came back with several wedding gowns that had different bottoms and fabrics. They pinned back the skirt of the dress I was wearing with huge clips, and kept folding and flipping different gown bottoms in front of me until I found one I loved. Then, they added the most gorgeous veil I have ever seen, then a blusher... and I looked in the mirror and felt something come over me. This was it!

We designed color, fabric, train size, buttons, and back height... everything. I can't get into details (obviously) but we created it!!! Kleinfelds even threw in a free blusher, and Anne threw in alterations and many other things that would have racked up quite a bill as a "Wedding Gift." We then laid out a credit card, and took more measurements for more body parts that I knew I had.

I insisted on keeping my veil on while I signed the dress contract.
I don't know what I did to deserve such a wonderful thing!

I had my first measuring that day. Anne's people, based on the design, will then begin to cut the pattern and locate the material from the same batch. They will begin to get pieces for the dress that will be needed to assemble. I then have to go in at the end of May to be re-measured to confirm that I still have the same measurements.
The dress will then start to be crafted. Since it's a custom, it will take a very long time to create. It will be ready to try on for the first fitting in (get this) about a year from now.

Anne said she'd like to put a picture of me in it on my wedding day on her website, where she features "Real Brides" on their Wedding Day in her gowns. The woman at Kleinfelds said that if she really likes the way it looks maybe she’d add it to her repertoire of dresses for the future season.
She was wonderful. I was in shock. 3 1/2 hours later, we left Kleinfelds and sat down for lunch. I downed 2 martinis like they were shots and a glass of Merlot...and was still completely sober.

I did some research on Anne, and found that she goes out into the field and creates an original Wedding gown every now and then for a Bride-To-Be. I just can't believe my fortune! I don't even know how to put it into words.

Other positive Rosie updates:
I start rehearsals for Sinatra/Marilyn in February. Get ready for tales of frustration, re-casting, costume fittings, off key-singing and overall mayhem. I will post pictures for shits and giggles. I will present links for press and advertisements, good AND bad.

I'm also hoping that I get to do the Hair Show again this year. In June 2006, I was chosen to play "The Most Beautiful Girl in the World" in a Hair Show for Dramatics. In between this gay disco-operetta, there is fierce hair and choreography. They bleached me platinum and added lots of extensions. I took tons of pictures and had a blast! I'll let you know if that becomes available to me again.

So that's it for now... I'll update shortly on my big public commitment, and anything else that comes my way.
Until then, if anyone has any questions, comments... free psychotherapy or dream analysis sessions... send 'em on over my way.

I'm also opening up the floor for "Ask Rosie"

Just like everyone has done in the past with other bloggers, feel free to ask me whatever you like. I’ll answer as best as I can.

Xoxoxo,
Rosiegal